Stream of Consciousness: Why am I not writing?

(So, this is a stream of consciousness post, but I am coming back after finishing it to write this here because I lost like the first three paragraphs of this post? I don’t know how it happened, but oh well. Not much I can do because I do not remember a single thing I wrote in those first three paragraphs. So, if this post seems abrupt in the beginning, that’s why. Kay Thaaaaaanks!)

I have been ambitiously writing stories with open endings. My endings open up the floor for so many questions. Who is Chad’s ex-girlfriend, and what’s the story there? What’s the deal with Ivan and Benji? How long will Epithumia be gone? And I have been excitedly yapping about following up some stories that haven’t even come out yet.

But that’s all that I feel like I have been doing. Yapping. I feel like I set myself up for failure sometimes with my stories. Sometimes it takes me so long to even get one story out, and I’m over here trying to plan the rest of my characters foreseeable futures?

Is this my fault? Yeah, but also… Like this shit happens to everyone right? It’s writers’ block. What author doesn’t have writers’ block at some point in their writing journey? It really sucks when my idea generator is working decently while my execution is as dead as someone waiting for someone to revive them in COD Zombies. But then, when my writing brain is primed and ready for writing, much like this post is right now, I can’t figure out the simple things like… How the fuck do I start this story? Is this even a good idea?

And once again, I am my own worst enemy in this area. Because I haven’t been able to just write these ideas when I come up with them. I just sit at my computer, staring at the screen with what I can only assume is the most lifeless expression. I’m so psyched out when I try to write my ideas, that I don’t get anything done.

The last two months were a well-needed break from writing and blogging, but I feel like it’s been so long since I have tried, that I forgot how to do it.

This post is me airing my thoughts out at 2 AM on a Sunday morning. A friend suggested I try to do a stream of consciousness post and see what I could come up with. It’s not a lot, but it is where my head is at right now. And I wish I could say that it is helping me figure out how to get back into it, but I am not sure.

I do feel better now that my thoughts are being easily communicated via the keyboard of a new laptop. So that is definitely a plus. So maybe it’s the first step of me getting back into the swing of being a real author. If all else fails, I can go back to transferring Phantom Janitor into my new writing style and fixing up any errors that teenage Scribbles made.

I have no intuitive questions to end the post with. I hope you all are doing well, and thank you for reading. Next month, May, actually marks a whole year of having this new website/blog. It’s been nice to have this conduit into writing about things that make me happy, even though the idea well is slowly but surely drying up. But it means a lot to me that I have been able to do this whether people read it or not. I hope to continue.

Until next post. 🙂